the wings that you burn turn to ashes, my dear

I should really get better at updating this journal more regularly.

Anyways! Camp NaNo for July is over. I ended the month with 58,032 words. This is well over my initial goal of 35,000 words, which I attribute to two things: one, my vacation and my writing retreat days, where I wrote 11k over the course of two days; and two, hosting word sprints for my NaNo region. We decided against doing full write ins on Discord, since they weren't that popular, but I did have some people pop on for the scheduled sprints.

On the story front, I am almost finished with the first draft of the sequel to With These Hungry Eyes. I am seven scenes away from the end - assuming, of course, I don't feel the need to add anything extra. This is the quickest I have drafted anything this long since I cranked out the first draft of A Hero Lies in You in 2019, which was slightly longer in length and took me two months. I'm almost done in three weeks' time, which leads me to believe that I should keep up the word sprints on Wednesdays and Fridays until I finish up.

I also restarted So Boycott Love. I adapted the scene order to fit the Save the Cat! structure, which I hope will strengthen the story. What I found, though, was that it is a heavy story to write. Which isn't a bad thing, but given my mental state sometimes, writing something that's an angst fest 24/7 doesn't always do me any favors. Still, I'm proud I worked on some original stuff, even if I didn't get as far as I hoped.

Hungry Eyes 2 still needs a title too. I keep debating a few options:

- Canyon Moon, after the Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness song; it's one of Julianne/Darill's theme songs and it can apply to the story, but not in a very obvious way
- No Place Like You, after a Backstreet Boys song that also fits
- What's Meant To Be Will Always Find a Way, after "She's In Love With the Boy" by Trisha Yearwood

Eventually I'll need to decide, but probably not until I finish the draft.

Next on my to do list, aside from finishing up this sequel in time so I can actually edit, is my Press Start assignment. I have my idea, and hopefully it won't take that long (lolsob we've heard this before). I am also toying with what ideas I want to work on for November, as I've proven that I can write quickly if I actually outline a story ahead of time.

....I should probably also get back to posting Angel of Mine too. I can give up my "heavy" editing of every chapter and just... fucking do it. I'll get there.

I've officially changed my project for April's Camp NaNoWriMo.

One of my goals for 2021 was to get back to working on One New Message, specifically addressing it's structural issues. As the draft stands now, it's a great skeleton, but it doesn't have any meat on its bones. As I read through it again, trying to decide if I was throwing an "official" plot structure at it, I realized that, while I can save a lot of the dialogue, my writing has changed a lot since I wrote the original draft.

I started this novel in 2014, after I had a dream about Andrew McMahon, a girl working in the mall, and a fashion show (a plot idea long since abandoned). I finished it as part of NaNo 2015, and got about halfway-ish through its sequel, One More Song. I have a better idea of where this story needs to go now, and I'm going to take a crack at the rewrite.

I'm in the process of making a new Scrivener file for it, compiling notes from three different reviews (from Bailey, Meg, and Meghan - Matt read all of it while sitting in the lobby before work one morning and just kept coming over like, "AMIE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU WANT TO RIP MY HEART OUT WITH THIS SHIT also I found a typo" so his review doesn't count) as well as the reread I did in 2018.

Yes, I let this shit sit since 2018. I am not good with second drafts.

But, with my notes for each scene, and being able to pull from the first draft when I need to, I feel like this is a suitable project for this April. I'm also going to be running write ins for my region, which we haven't done in the past for Camp, so I feel good about my chances of getting a lot done. Even if it's not finished on April 30, I haven't worked on original works in so long that it's an accomplishment either way.

I've also written a few original scenes for this round of Yahtzee at getyourwordsout. Those need some polishing, but I'll post those over here eventually.

Right now I'm feeling very productive, and surprisingly not harping on myself for everything I'm fixing in this novel. If this draft is successful, then I can look at improving it further in hopes of maybe getting something of publishable quality. We'll see how it goes. ♥

An update!

So work stuff is... work stuff. I chose to stay and so far have been able to get the hours I need, which is nice because I can pay bills. We ended up losing four people, including one keyholder, and that's a significant dent in a staff of eleven people. So, now we have borrowed partners and transfers!

Now I spend every shift showing someone where things are and what needs to be done. One of our transfers has been with the company for six months and never been trained on how to make drinks. Another showed up in a crop top. Yet another got hired two days before Starbucks shut everything down and didn't finish her training either. My entire time at work is spent being cheerful and upbeat and my introvert self is constantly internally screaming from having to introduce myself, and the store, over and over and over again.

And now my boss is out for five days for surgery. I should tally how many phone calls I get while he's out.

Sigh.

But I'm trying to get back to writing rather than playing Animal Crossing all day long. I'm currently plotting out scenes for Angel of Mine, which will be my project for Camp NaNo in July, and, uh... I'm at 30+ scenes. And I'm through the first "major" plot point. Nowhere close to resolving this thing the way I wanted to.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

The good news: I don't have to have it finished before September 1, just started. (Yes, I asked the blog running the challenge - T doesn't care how long it takes as long as it's something she doesn't have to write herself, lol.) I'm going to edit as I go, but... yeah, I'm going to be here a while. The last thing I need is another big project on my plate but it's my way of coping when the rest of the world is on fire, so I'm not mad about it, but trying to make sure my expectations are realistic.

My goals for July's Camp NaNo:

- 25k words
- Primary project: Angel of Mine, an MCU AU with angels and demons involved
- Secondary projects:
-----My Press Start assignment, which I won't have until July anyway; then any other treats that look like fun (because there always are)
-----Seven Seas of Rhye (you know, the other story that will Never Be Finished)
-----A Hero Lies in You edits

Eventually I'll get to everything. Right now I'll settle for just getting some words down. I've also taken a lot of days off from writing in June, which I feel guilty about, but it's needed. I need to remember to take care of myself too, and we all know I'm not good at that. I'm trying, and that's worth something.

Camp NaNo, Day 8

Words Written: 980
Total: 9,784


Having a bad brain day today.

I honestly have no idea how I came this close to making word count for the day. I finished the scene in Seven Seas of Rhye I was working on, and though I'm only 20 words short of my daily goal, I don't have it in me. I keep thinking that all of this is garbage and there's no point in continuing it, but I keep slogging through anyway.

I can edit garbage. I need to remind myself of this. Until I get the entire story out, I can't move on to the next parts I really want to write (dragging the Rangers kicking and screaming into Infinity War). I know this. I just wish it was easier to make the emotional parts of my brain accept it.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Camp NaNo, Day 4

Words Written: 1,569
Total: 6,739


A productive day today! I'm caught up on tags, finished a scene for Seven Seas of Rhye, and did a lot of work on my latest cross stitch. It's a huge piece that says "Wash Your Fucking Hands" and doing all of the little bits of colorwork in the background is really therapeutic.

Mostly I am killing time until Final Fantasy VII Remake launches on Friday, and then I won't do much else but play that, lol.

April's Project Goals:
- Edit and Post Ain't Nothing But A Heartache (MMPR)
- Edit and Post When A Heart Knows Fear (Final Fantasy IV/X - when it comes back from beta)
- Edit and Post untitled Squall/Rinoa fic (Final Fantasy VIII - this is currently a trash fire, but that's okay)
- Finish untitled Laguna & Ellone fic (Final Fantasy VIII)
- Forward progress on Seven Seas of Rhye (PR/MCU)

Camp NaNo, Day 3

Words Written: 1,221
Total: 3,963


I am officially out of work until at least May 4. Talked to my boss today and he's not even sure we'll reopen then, but we are getting paid for the entire month of April. So I finally felt safe enough to paint my nails. For those outside of food service, nail polish is a health code violation, and I can't do my nails unless I know for sure I'll have the time off.

Jon is also home for all of April. Q isn't back in school until at least May 4, though to be honest, I'll be surprised if he goes back at all. He got to have a classroom meeting via Zoom today, which helped brighten his spirits, since he's been as trapped inside as we are.

Writing wise, I keep thinking of more scenes to add to Seven Seas of Rhye. At this rate, it's never going to be finished, but I got to write this line:

"You fucked Rita Repulsa?!"

So you know, not all is lost, lol.

Camp NaNo, Day 1

Words Written: 1,399
Total: 1,399

...So I didn't get to working on Ninjetti/Seven Seas of Rhye yet. Instead I finished up an angsty character study/missing scene from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. There's a huge chunk where Tommy just straight up disappears in the middle of season one, right after he gives the Green Ranger powers to Jason, and my brain just snagged onto that and wouldn't let go.

I also started this in 2018, when I was rewatching MMPR with the kiddos. Guess who decided to finish old things sitting in gdocs rather than what she's supposed to be working on?

It's me! Mario!

Tomorrow we get back to real work. I promise. Hopefully more updates to come.

I kicked Camp Nano's ass this April. 53,893 words, most of it on A Hero Lies In You, part one of this epic Power Rangers fic I've been working on. I'm about two thirds of the way through the story, and if I keep up this pace, I can probably finish draft one in May. I now have an entire notebook just for plotting this series, which... is going to be massive. And as long as I'm having fun with it, I'm going to run with it.

I'm waiting on my beta for my waybackexchange fic so I can post that, and then the next challenge will not be until press_start_comm over the summer. And maybe the Successor Challenge over on tumblr, but that depends on what this year's theme is, lol. Feeling very accomplished this month even when there are a lot of things that stress me out.