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tiny_ninjaMy grandfather died on Friday.
He was 90, and it was not unexpected. He'd been hospitalized right after my cousin Tony's wedding, with fluid around his lungs and stomach. This was the same thing he'd been treated for in March, when he got sepsis and almost died, so we'd been here before. This time, the medicine to drain the fluid from his lungs damaged his kidneys to the point where he would need dialysis or they would fail.
Grampi didn't want to be kept alive on machines. Nor did he want a breathing tube. As things grew worse, these were the only options, and they went against his last wishes.
A week ago, we had hoped he would get strong enough to be moved back home for his last days. By midweek, that was no longer an option.
His health had been failing for the last few years, so I am glad to know that the end was of his choosing, that he wasn't alone when he passed, and that he is at peace now. I'm traveling to CT tomorrow, the funeral is on Tuesday.
In his memory, here are a few assorted memories of him from my childhood:
- Grampi retired in 1989, when I was four, so every memory of going to my grandparents' house, he was always home. He watched lots of news channels and History Channel documentaries about World War II and smoked cigarettes. He slept in most days - and as a kid, this was a rarity for me, because my dad never slept in. In the morning, he'd come downstairs to have his coffee (always instant, they don't own a coffeemaker) and read the newspaper. When he was done with that, he'd make breakfast - fried eggs and bacon or sausage - and play polkas.
- When I lived with my grandparents, I would also read the newspaper, but only after Grampi finished with it first. Those were the rules.
- Also when I lived with them, that first year he bought me a thermal blanket for Christmas because he was worried my piece of shit car would break down on the side of I-95 and I would freeze to death. It remains in the trunk of my car to this day.
- He taught my brother and I how to play 52 Pick Up. And every time he would grin as he scattered all the cards all over the floor.
- We used to watch a lot of game shows at my grandparents' house, including Win Ben Stein's Money. (I hate Ben Stein's politics, but at the time, the show was hysterical.) Said show was also co-hosted by a young Jimmy Kimmel. One afternoon my grandfather leans over and goes, out of nowhere, "They're gay, you know." Meaning, Ben Stein and Jimmy were a couple. I laughed for days over that one, because it was the last thing I'd expected Grampi to say.
- My grandparents often bickered over who got to watch what on the TV, both with dueling remotes and would change the channels on each other until my grandmother would finally shout, "Go watch cinema 2, Joe!!" Cinema 2 being the TV upstairs in my uncle's old room.
(Yes, my uncle has not lived at home since... I don't fucking know. The early 90s? We still call it Uncle Joe's room. It is not to be confused with the other spare bedroom, which is much smaller and called "the spare room.")
- My grandparents built their house in 1962 and have lived there ever since. Grammie has said she didn't want to keep it once my grandfather passes, which I understand, but that place is a home for all of us, and not having Christmas at their house will be weird at best, and heartbreaking for sure.
- Grampi loved dogs. When their last dog passed suddenly, my grandmother refused to get another one. We joked for years that we were just going to drop a puppy on his doorstep so he'd have a reason to get off the couch and have some company. Since we also didn't want Grammie to kill us, we didn't. Instead we would bring our dogs over to come visit. When my Auntie Peach got a new puppy last year, the first thing she did was bring baby Zita to see Grampi. Zita cuddled right in his arms and stayed there the whole time.
- Surprisingly, Grampi was more computer savvy than my grandmother. (Grammie, bless her heart, can't figure out how to listen to the voicemails on her cell phone. It exists so she can make a call if she has to. None of us have ever called it. She won't answer nor will she see that it rang.) Meanwhile, Grampi would spend hours on their computer watching funny horse videos he found online.
- At my cousin's wedding, just a few weeks ago, I found out that Grampi liked taking selfies because he could see himself in the camera. I have pictures of him smiling and being so happy - and those are my last memories of him, better than seeing him in a hospital bed struggling to breathe.
There's probably more... but I'll stop now. This week has been a struggle and I know next week won't be better. But I am glad to know his funeral will be a small, private one, and I have the time to go visit. And I won't have to deal with work bullshit for three days, so that helps, too.
He was 90, and it was not unexpected. He'd been hospitalized right after my cousin Tony's wedding, with fluid around his lungs and stomach. This was the same thing he'd been treated for in March, when he got sepsis and almost died, so we'd been here before. This time, the medicine to drain the fluid from his lungs damaged his kidneys to the point where he would need dialysis or they would fail.
Grampi didn't want to be kept alive on machines. Nor did he want a breathing tube. As things grew worse, these were the only options, and they went against his last wishes.
A week ago, we had hoped he would get strong enough to be moved back home for his last days. By midweek, that was no longer an option.
His health had been failing for the last few years, so I am glad to know that the end was of his choosing, that he wasn't alone when he passed, and that he is at peace now. I'm traveling to CT tomorrow, the funeral is on Tuesday.
In his memory, here are a few assorted memories of him from my childhood:
- Grampi retired in 1989, when I was four, so every memory of going to my grandparents' house, he was always home. He watched lots of news channels and History Channel documentaries about World War II and smoked cigarettes. He slept in most days - and as a kid, this was a rarity for me, because my dad never slept in. In the morning, he'd come downstairs to have his coffee (always instant, they don't own a coffeemaker) and read the newspaper. When he was done with that, he'd make breakfast - fried eggs and bacon or sausage - and play polkas.
- When I lived with my grandparents, I would also read the newspaper, but only after Grampi finished with it first. Those were the rules.
- Also when I lived with them, that first year he bought me a thermal blanket for Christmas because he was worried my piece of shit car would break down on the side of I-95 and I would freeze to death. It remains in the trunk of my car to this day.
- He taught my brother and I how to play 52 Pick Up. And every time he would grin as he scattered all the cards all over the floor.
- We used to watch a lot of game shows at my grandparents' house, including Win Ben Stein's Money. (I hate Ben Stein's politics, but at the time, the show was hysterical.) Said show was also co-hosted by a young Jimmy Kimmel. One afternoon my grandfather leans over and goes, out of nowhere, "They're gay, you know." Meaning, Ben Stein and Jimmy were a couple. I laughed for days over that one, because it was the last thing I'd expected Grampi to say.
- My grandparents often bickered over who got to watch what on the TV, both with dueling remotes and would change the channels on each other until my grandmother would finally shout, "Go watch cinema 2, Joe!!" Cinema 2 being the TV upstairs in my uncle's old room.
(Yes, my uncle has not lived at home since... I don't fucking know. The early 90s? We still call it Uncle Joe's room. It is not to be confused with the other spare bedroom, which is much smaller and called "the spare room.")
- My grandparents built their house in 1962 and have lived there ever since. Grammie has said she didn't want to keep it once my grandfather passes, which I understand, but that place is a home for all of us, and not having Christmas at their house will be weird at best, and heartbreaking for sure.
- Grampi loved dogs. When their last dog passed suddenly, my grandmother refused to get another one. We joked for years that we were just going to drop a puppy on his doorstep so he'd have a reason to get off the couch and have some company. Since we also didn't want Grammie to kill us, we didn't. Instead we would bring our dogs over to come visit. When my Auntie Peach got a new puppy last year, the first thing she did was bring baby Zita to see Grampi. Zita cuddled right in his arms and stayed there the whole time.
- Surprisingly, Grampi was more computer savvy than my grandmother. (Grammie, bless her heart, can't figure out how to listen to the voicemails on her cell phone. It exists so she can make a call if she has to. None of us have ever called it. She won't answer nor will she see that it rang.) Meanwhile, Grampi would spend hours on their computer watching funny horse videos he found online.
- At my cousin's wedding, just a few weeks ago, I found out that Grampi liked taking selfies because he could see himself in the camera. I have pictures of him smiling and being so happy - and those are my last memories of him, better than seeing him in a hospital bed struggling to breathe.
There's probably more... but I'll stop now. This week has been a struggle and I know next week won't be better. But I am glad to know his funeral will be a small, private one, and I have the time to go visit. And I won't have to deal with work bullshit for three days, so that helps, too.
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