it's always darkest before the dawn;

Things that have happened in the last week:

- Jon's dad passed away. It wasn't entirely unexpected, as we knew his health was declining for the last couple years, but you're never ready when it happens. Jon is taking it hard, as he should, and so is Quentin. It's his first experience with death and grief and he has lots of questions and emotions surrounding the matter. He'll be okay for a little while, and then he'll stop and go, "I just can't stop thinking about Grandpops."

So we contacted his school counselor and set up a Zoom meeting for him, so at least he would have someone to talk to who isn't us. He asked if he could chat with her again next week, so I'm hoping it helps.

- And speaking of Quentin, yesterday he tripped and smashed his face into the picnic table, knocking out one tooth and bending another back into his mouth. Since they're just baby teeth, the dentist wasn't worried about having to put him through pulling the bent tooth out. It should, in theory, fall out in due time.

So now Q is left with a swollen face, a lisp, and a big gap in his mouth from all the missing teeth. He's in good spirits, which is good.

- AND. Starbucks is giving all partners one week (or in our case, five days!) to decide between one of three options for our employment. Hours are going to be down for probably the summer and thus they cannot support everyone they have hired. Fun times, right?

So we can either: A) Stay on with reduced hours and hope things get better in the fall; B) go on a "COVID 19 leave of absence," in which we will still retain our benefits but be out of work and trying to collect unemployment until 9/30 or until we are called back, whichever comes first; or C) a severance package.

s i g h

Listen. I can't pay my mortgage if I'm not working. Jon is likely going on a leave of absence for Apple for his own reasons, which means he will be home. It's better for his mental health and he has my full support. As much as I would love to be able to spend the summer with my kids, financially, that's not possible. It means that I have to stay on at work and use my vacation hours to boost whatever weeks I'm too low on hours. I can probably do that for a few months, but not indefinitely. I've also already told my boss that. My store in particular will not be hit as hard as the others, namely drive thrus that are forced to cut down from 7 or 8 partners on the floor at one time (needed to support their volume of business) to four.

(Falmouth, my old store, is about to go up in flames.)

My store is now only allowed to have three people scheduled at a time, so only two people on the floor for breaks, and that includes weekends. We will all be fighting for hours. Either way I have until Sunday to decide what happens. In the end, I don't have a choice.

So.

Because of all this, and my brain is just fucked six ways from Sunday, I'm dropping my getyourwordsout pledge from the Master (350 days) to the Journeyman (240 days). Chances are I will blow past this, but fuck. I need a break. I have been struggling to put words down or edit anything and my brain is literally dead. I need to refill my own cup before I try to pour from it again.

Next year. Next year I'll tackle Master. It will still be my unofficial goal, but I need to take it easy on myself. It's okay to lower my expectations in the wake of everything. Hopefully life will settle down and we'll learn what our new normal will be.

Or fuck. I could just take having a god damn break for a change.